You are made of stars.
Not metaphorically. Literally.
Every atom in your body — the carbon in your cells, the calcium in your bones, the iron in your blood — was forged in the core of a dying star billions of years ago. A supernova explosion scattered those elements across the universe, and eventually, impossibly, they came together to form you.
You are the universe experiencing itself.
And yet.
Somewhere along the way, you forgot.
You forgot that you are made of the same stuff as everything else. You forgot that you are infinite possibility compressed into temporary form.
And instead, you became convinced that you are… a story.
A collection of labels. A set of limitations. A fixed identity that tells you who you are and — more importantly — who you're NOT.
You became convinced that THIS is who you are:
"I'm a special needs parent."
"I'm someone who struggles."
"I'm the strong one."
"I'm not creative."
"I'm the person who always puts everyone else first."
And the moment you believed those stories — the moment you started IDENTIFYING with them — you stopped being the infinite, star-born being you actually are.
You became small. Fixed. Limited.
And you didn't even notice it happening.
Not metaphorically. Literally.
Every atom in your body — the carbon in your cells, the calcium in your bones, the iron in your blood — was forged in the core of a dying star billions of years ago. A supernova explosion scattered those elements across the universe, and eventually, impossibly, they came together to form you.
You are the universe experiencing itself.
And yet.
Somewhere along the way, you forgot.
You forgot that you are made of the same stuff as everything else. You forgot that you are infinite possibility compressed into temporary form.
And instead, you became convinced that you are… a story.
A collection of labels. A set of limitations. A fixed identity that tells you who you are and — more importantly — who you're NOT.
You became convinced that THIS is who you are:
"I'm a special needs parent."
"I'm someone who struggles."
"I'm the strong one."
"I'm not creative."
"I'm the person who always puts everyone else first."
And the moment you believed those stories — the moment you started IDENTIFYING with them — you stopped being the infinite, star-born being you actually are.
You became small. Fixed. Limited.
And you didn't even notice it happening.
There is no shame in this. It seems to be part of the design.
---
Let me tell you how it happens.
You come into this world as pure awareness. No labels. No stories. No sense of "I am this but not that." There is no drama or insecurities. This is why you can run around outside in your underoose without a care in the world.
You are just… here. Experiencing. Observing. Being.
Influence of what you experience and observe starts them you are in the womb.
From the moment you're born, the people around you — your parents, your family, society — begin teaching you who you are.
And what they teach you isn't random.
They teach you the same strengths and limitations that were taught to them.
If your mom was an alcoholic, you learned something about love, safety, and what it means to need someone who can't show up.
If your dad was never home, you learned something about worthiness, attention, and what you have to do to matter.
If your parents were anxious, you learned the world is dangerous.
If they were rigid, you learned mistakes are unacceptable.
If they were overwhelmed, you learned your needs are a burden.
None of this was malicious. They were doing their best with what they knew.
But what they knew — what they passed down to you — wasn't truth.
It was THEIR identity. THEIR story. THEIR limitations.
And you inherited them like you inherited the color of your eyes.
---
And then society stepped in to finish the job.
School taught you to compare yourself to others. To measure your worth by grades, achievements, and how well you fit in.
Culture taught you what a "good" person looks like. What success means. What roles you're supposed to play. What the perfect family looks like.
Religion, media, peer groups — they all added layers.
"You should be this."
"You can't be that."
"People like you don't do X."
"You're not the kind of person who Y."
And piece by piece, brick by brick, you built an identity.
Psychologists call this the ego. The self-concept. The "you" that you are for yourself.
And here's what nobody tells you:
**This identity you've built? It's not real.**
It's a construct. A story. A collection of thoughts and beliefs you've mistaken for who you are.
And the truly insidious part?
You've become addicted to it.
---
Let me explain what I mean by addiction.
We usually think of addiction as something related to substances — alcohol, drugs, food, screens.
But identity functions the exact same way.
Here's how:
**1. It gives you a sense of control in a world that feels out of control.**
When you say "I'm a special needs parent who sacrifices everything," you're defining yourself. You're putting yourself in a box. And that box feels SAFE because at least you know where the walls are.
**2. It tells you who you are so you don't have to sit with the terror of not knowing.**
Not knowing who you are is one of the most uncomfortable feelings a human can experience. So we grasp onto ANY identity — even a painful one — just to avoid that discomfort.
**3. It connects you to groups who share that identity.**
"I'm the strong one." "I'm the person who never complains." "I'm someone who can handle anything."
These identities earn you respect, admiration, belonging. And once you have that, the thought of letting go of the identity feels like losing your place in the world.
**4. It excuses your limitations.**
"I'm just not a creative person."
"I'm not someone who asks for help."
"I'm not capable of that."
These statements sound like facts. But they're not. They're identity. And identity is the most socially acceptable way to avoid growth.
Nobody stages an intervention when you say "I'm just not good at that."
But that statement is doing the exact same thing a drink does — it's numbing the discomfort of not knowing who you could become if you tried.
---
And here's where it gets really dangerous.
The tighter you cling to your identity, the smaller your life becomes.
Because identity is inherently LIMITING.
When you say "I am X," you're also saying "I am NOT everything else."
When you identify as "the parent who sacrifices everything," you can't also be the parent who thrives.
When you identify as "someone who can handle anything alone," you can't ask for help without feeling like you're betraying yourself.
When you identify as "broken" or "damaged" or "not enough," you can't heal — because healing would mean you're no longer the person you think you are.
Do you see the trap?
**You're protecting an identity that's keeping you caged.**
And the worst part? You don't even realize you're doing it.
Because the voice in your head — the one that says "I'm this" and "I'm not that" — sounds like YOU.
It sounds like truth.
But it's not.
---
Here's what that voice actually is:
It's your mind narrating your experience. Constantly. Compulsively.
"I'm tired."
"I'm stressed."
"I'm a good parent."
"I'm failing."
"I'm overwhelmed."
"I'm strong."
The voice never stops. And because it's inside your head, you assume it's YOU talking.
But it's not.
Ask yourself this question right now:
**Who is the one LISTENING to that voice?**
If there's a voice in your head talking, and you can hear it…
Then who is doing the hearing? Or stated another way, “who is doing the watching.”
That's the real you.
Not the voice. Not the identity. Not the story.
The AWARENESS beneath all of it.
The one observing the thoughts. The one noticing the feelings. The one watching the identity perform.
THAT is who you actually are.
And here's the truth that will change everything if you let it:
**That awareness — the real you — is not limited.**
It doesn't have a story.
It doesn't have labels.
It doesn't have an identity.
It just IS.
And it's been there your whole life, quietly watching, while you mistook the voice for yourself.
---
Most people go their entire lives without ever catching this separation. There is no shame in this, we are all on different journeys and exactly where we are meant to be. As Peter Crone says, “You can’t be anywhere else because you’re not.”
I would content that most people come into this world and leave it fully identified with the voice in their head. Fully believing they ARE the story. Fully convinced that the limitations they inherited and built are real.
And because they never see the separation, they never question it.
They never ask: "Is this actually true? Or is this just a thought I've been repeating for so long that I started believing it?"
They never wonder: "What would I be capable of if I wasn't so attached to who I THINK I am?"
They just… stay in the cage. And call it identity or me.
---
I know this is true because I lived it.
For years, I was IDENTIFIED with being a certain kind of parent. I was a single father raising 5 kids within 6 years of age and 2 with special needs. I stuggled with finances due to a nasty divorce where blah blah blah blah happened insinuating that i am a victim.
I was the one with a thick chin who could take punch after punch, a (percieved) difficult family/parenting situation and pull it off. The one who didn’t complain. The one who sacrificed and adapted and kept going no matter what.
And that identity felt REAL.
It felt like who I was.
But the truth is, it was just a story I was telling myself to make sense of a situation I didn't know how else to process.
And that story was destroying me. It kept me stuck.
Because every time I wanted to admit I was struggling, the identity said "That's not who you are." When I wanted different financial circumstances it would tell me all the reasons i didn’t have time or whatever was needed to pull off the idea of the day. I couldn’t have friends because “nobody wants to have 5 kids over and 2 with special needs who blah blah blah blah.
Every time I wanted to ask for help, the identity said "You don't need help. You're strong."
Every time I wanted to prioritize my own needs, the identity said "That's selfish. You're a parent. Your needs don't matter."
The identity was a prison.
But I didn't see it as a prison. I saw it as ME.
It wasn’t until the pain of living another day the way i was living was more painful than to change, did I do anything about it. But that day came and i am so grateful it did. Standing at the edge of the cliff wanting to jump but knowing id be leaving these beautfil souls alone, without there dad, i humbled myself and walked backed towards them.
---
Let me tell you how it happens.
You come into this world as pure awareness. No labels. No stories. No sense of "I am this but not that." There is no drama or insecurities. This is why you can run around outside in your underoose without a care in the world.
You are just… here. Experiencing. Observing. Being.
Influence of what you experience and observe starts them you are in the womb.
From the moment you're born, the people around you — your parents, your family, society — begin teaching you who you are.
And what they teach you isn't random.
They teach you the same strengths and limitations that were taught to them.
If your mom was an alcoholic, you learned something about love, safety, and what it means to need someone who can't show up.
If your dad was never home, you learned something about worthiness, attention, and what you have to do to matter.
If your parents were anxious, you learned the world is dangerous.
If they were rigid, you learned mistakes are unacceptable.
If they were overwhelmed, you learned your needs are a burden.
None of this was malicious. They were doing their best with what they knew.
But what they knew — what they passed down to you — wasn't truth.
It was THEIR identity. THEIR story. THEIR limitations.
And you inherited them like you inherited the color of your eyes.
---
And then society stepped in to finish the job.
School taught you to compare yourself to others. To measure your worth by grades, achievements, and how well you fit in.
Culture taught you what a "good" person looks like. What success means. What roles you're supposed to play. What the perfect family looks like.
Religion, media, peer groups — they all added layers.
"You should be this."
"You can't be that."
"People like you don't do X."
"You're not the kind of person who Y."
And piece by piece, brick by brick, you built an identity.
Psychologists call this the ego. The self-concept. The "you" that you are for yourself.
And here's what nobody tells you:
**This identity you've built? It's not real.**
It's a construct. A story. A collection of thoughts and beliefs you've mistaken for who you are.
And the truly insidious part?
You've become addicted to it.
---
Let me explain what I mean by addiction.
We usually think of addiction as something related to substances — alcohol, drugs, food, screens.
But identity functions the exact same way.
Here's how:
**1. It gives you a sense of control in a world that feels out of control.**
When you say "I'm a special needs parent who sacrifices everything," you're defining yourself. You're putting yourself in a box. And that box feels SAFE because at least you know where the walls are.
**2. It tells you who you are so you don't have to sit with the terror of not knowing.**
Not knowing who you are is one of the most uncomfortable feelings a human can experience. So we grasp onto ANY identity — even a painful one — just to avoid that discomfort.
**3. It connects you to groups who share that identity.**
"I'm the strong one." "I'm the person who never complains." "I'm someone who can handle anything."
These identities earn you respect, admiration, belonging. And once you have that, the thought of letting go of the identity feels like losing your place in the world.
**4. It excuses your limitations.**
"I'm just not a creative person."
"I'm not someone who asks for help."
"I'm not capable of that."
These statements sound like facts. But they're not. They're identity. And identity is the most socially acceptable way to avoid growth.
Nobody stages an intervention when you say "I'm just not good at that."
But that statement is doing the exact same thing a drink does — it's numbing the discomfort of not knowing who you could become if you tried.
---
And here's where it gets really dangerous.
The tighter you cling to your identity, the smaller your life becomes.
Because identity is inherently LIMITING.
When you say "I am X," you're also saying "I am NOT everything else."
When you identify as "the parent who sacrifices everything," you can't also be the parent who thrives.
When you identify as "someone who can handle anything alone," you can't ask for help without feeling like you're betraying yourself.
When you identify as "broken" or "damaged" or "not enough," you can't heal — because healing would mean you're no longer the person you think you are.
Do you see the trap?
**You're protecting an identity that's keeping you caged.**
And the worst part? You don't even realize you're doing it.
Because the voice in your head — the one that says "I'm this" and "I'm not that" — sounds like YOU.
It sounds like truth.
But it's not.
---
Here's what that voice actually is:
It's your mind narrating your experience. Constantly. Compulsively.
"I'm tired."
"I'm stressed."
"I'm a good parent."
"I'm failing."
"I'm overwhelmed."
"I'm strong."
The voice never stops. And because it's inside your head, you assume it's YOU talking.
But it's not.
Ask yourself this question right now:
**Who is the one LISTENING to that voice?**
If there's a voice in your head talking, and you can hear it…
Then who is doing the hearing? Or stated another way, “who is doing the watching.”
That's the real you.
Not the voice. Not the identity. Not the story.
The AWARENESS beneath all of it.
The one observing the thoughts. The one noticing the feelings. The one watching the identity perform.
THAT is who you actually are.
And here's the truth that will change everything if you let it:
**That awareness — the real you — is not limited.**
It doesn't have a story.
It doesn't have labels.
It doesn't have an identity.
It just IS.
And it's been there your whole life, quietly watching, while you mistook the voice for yourself.
---
Most people go their entire lives without ever catching this separation. There is no shame in this, we are all on different journeys and exactly where we are meant to be. As Peter Crone says, “You can’t be anywhere else because you’re not.”
I would content that most people come into this world and leave it fully identified with the voice in their head. Fully believing they ARE the story. Fully convinced that the limitations they inherited and built are real.
And because they never see the separation, they never question it.
They never ask: "Is this actually true? Or is this just a thought I've been repeating for so long that I started believing it?"
They never wonder: "What would I be capable of if I wasn't so attached to who I THINK I am?"
They just… stay in the cage. And call it identity or me.
---
I know this is true because I lived it.
For years, I was IDENTIFIED with being a certain kind of parent. I was a single father raising 5 kids within 6 years of age and 2 with special needs. I stuggled with finances due to a nasty divorce where blah blah blah blah happened insinuating that i am a victim.
I was the one with a thick chin who could take punch after punch, a (percieved) difficult family/parenting situation and pull it off. The one who didn’t complain. The one who sacrificed and adapted and kept going no matter what.
And that identity felt REAL.
It felt like who I was.
But the truth is, it was just a story I was telling myself to make sense of a situation I didn't know how else to process.
And that story was destroying me. It kept me stuck.
Because every time I wanted to admit I was struggling, the identity said "That's not who you are." When I wanted different financial circumstances it would tell me all the reasons i didn’t have time or whatever was needed to pull off the idea of the day. I couldn’t have friends because “nobody wants to have 5 kids over and 2 with special needs who blah blah blah blah.
Every time I wanted to ask for help, the identity said "You don't need help. You're strong."
Every time I wanted to prioritize my own needs, the identity said "That's selfish. You're a parent. Your needs don't matter."
The identity was a prison.
But I didn't see it as a prison. I saw it as ME.
It wasn’t until the pain of living another day the way i was living was more painful than to change, did I do anything about it. But that day came and i am so grateful it did. Standing at the edge of the cliff wanting to jump but knowing id be leaving these beautfil souls alone, without there dad, i humbled myself and walked backed towards them.
This ignited a soul searching journey which span around the globe. It brought book, videos, teachers, courses, practices, philosophies and much more. This journey led me to notice the SEPARATION between the thoughts and the awareness watching the thoughts —
Everything changed.
Not because my circumstances changed.
But because I stopped being so tightly fused to the story. I realized the story is just made up of words. Words are made up of hot air. I came to understand that if someone shared words with me in a language i didn’t know that they would mean nothing to me. That helped me realize that i was giving too much power and credit to the voice in my head and word from people i was surrounded with.
---
Here's what I want you to understand:
Your identity isn't evil. It's not something you need to destroy or reject. It does have value in society.
It's just… not YOU.
It's a tool. A costume. A character you've been playing.
And the problem isn't that you have one.
The problem is that you've forgotten it's a costume.
You've been wearing it for so long that you think it's your skin.
And because you think it's your skin, you'll defend it. You'll protect it. You'll structure your entire life around keeping it intact. Our brains are designed to predict and protect. So, when we send signals to our brain that this is who, this is what we can and can’t do, our brains go out and find us proof.
Even when it's hurting you.
Even when it's limiting you.
Even when it's keeping you from becoming who you could be.
---
So what's the way out?
It's not about building a BETTER identity.
It's not about replacing "I'm a struggling parent" with "I'm a thriving parent."
That's just swapping one cage for another.
The way out is to stop being so ATTACHED to identity altogether. Realize that you are not separate.
And the practice is simple — but not easy.
**Start noticing the voice.**
When it says "I'm overwhelmed" — don't believe it or reject it.
Just notice it.
"Oh. There's a thought that says I'm overwhelmed."
When it says "I'm not capable of that" — notice it.
"There's a thought that says I'm not capable."
When it says "I'm a bad parent" or "I'm doing great" or "I'm broken" or "I'm strong" —
Notice it.
Because the moment you NOTICE a thought, you've created separation.
You're no longer the thought.
You're the one watching the thought.
And that awareness — that space between the thought and the noticing —
That's freedom.
Everything changed.
Not because my circumstances changed.
But because I stopped being so tightly fused to the story. I realized the story is just made up of words. Words are made up of hot air. I came to understand that if someone shared words with me in a language i didn’t know that they would mean nothing to me. That helped me realize that i was giving too much power and credit to the voice in my head and word from people i was surrounded with.
---
Here's what I want you to understand:
Your identity isn't evil. It's not something you need to destroy or reject. It does have value in society.
It's just… not YOU.
It's a tool. A costume. A character you've been playing.
And the problem isn't that you have one.
The problem is that you've forgotten it's a costume.
You've been wearing it for so long that you think it's your skin.
And because you think it's your skin, you'll defend it. You'll protect it. You'll structure your entire life around keeping it intact. Our brains are designed to predict and protect. So, when we send signals to our brain that this is who, this is what we can and can’t do, our brains go out and find us proof.
Even when it's hurting you.
Even when it's limiting you.
Even when it's keeping you from becoming who you could be.
---
So what's the way out?
It's not about building a BETTER identity.
It's not about replacing "I'm a struggling parent" with "I'm a thriving parent."
That's just swapping one cage for another.
The way out is to stop being so ATTACHED to identity altogether. Realize that you are not separate.
And the practice is simple — but not easy.
**Start noticing the voice.**
When it says "I'm overwhelmed" — don't believe it or reject it.
Just notice it.
"Oh. There's a thought that says I'm overwhelmed."
When it says "I'm not capable of that" — notice it.
"There's a thought that says I'm not capable."
When it says "I'm a bad parent" or "I'm doing great" or "I'm broken" or "I'm strong" —
Notice it.
Because the moment you NOTICE a thought, you've created separation.
You're no longer the thought.
You're the one watching the thought.
And that awareness — that space between the thought and the noticing —
That's freedom.
---
Here's what happens when you practice this:
You start to see that you are not your thoughts.
You are not your identity.
You are not the story you've been telling yourself for 20, 30, 40 years.
You are the AWARENESS that's been watching the whole time.
And that awareness?
It's not limited.
It's not broken.
It's not defined by your circumstances or your past or your child's diagnosis.
It just IS.
Infinite. Open. Fluid.
Made of stars.
And when you remember that — when you stop clinging so tightly to the small, fixed story of who you think you are —
You become capable of things you never thought possible.
Not because you've changed who you are.
But because you've remembered what you've always been.
---
Your child doesn't need you to perfect your identity as a parent.
They don't need you to be "the strong one" or "the advocate" or "the person who never breaks."
They need you to be FREE.
Free from the story.
Free from the labels.
Free from the cage you've been calling yourself.
Because when you're free, you're not performing an identity.
You're just… present.
Fully here. Fully alive. Fully capable of responding to whatever the moment needs.
Not because you're a certain KIND of parent.
But because you're a human being who remembers they're made of stars.
And stars don't have limitations.
They just burn.
---
Here's the thing about supernovas.
They're violent. Catastrophic. The death of something massive.
But they're also how new life begins.
Every element heavier than iron in your body — including the calcium in your bones, the iron in your blood — could only have been created in the explosion of a dying star.
Death. Explosion. Rebirth.
And then those scattered elements traveled across the universe for billions of years until they somehow, impossibly, came together to form you.
That's the journey you've already made just to exist.
And I think the same pattern applies to identity.
Sometimes the identity you've been carrying — the one that's kept you safe, the one that's helped you survive — has to die.
It has to explode.
It has to scatter into a million pieces so that something new can form.
And that process is terrifying.
Because it feels like YOU are dying.
But you're not.
The real you — the awareness, the consciousness, the part of you that's been watching this whole time — doesn't die.
It just stops pretending to be small.
It stops pretending to be the story.
And it remembers what it's always been:
Infinite.
Fluid.
Made of stars.
So if you're in the middle of that explosion right now — if your old identity is falling apart and you don't know who you are anymore —
Good.
That's not the end.
That's the supernova.
And on the other side of it, you don't become someone new.
You just become MORE of what you've always been.
Limitless.
---
P.S. — If this landed, reply and tell me one thing: What identity have you been clinging to that you're starting to realize might not be you? I read every reply.
P.S.S. — we are forming our latest cohort which is a 3 month transformational group coaching model that will help you detroy the old identity and life leaving you with a blank canvas to create any kind of life you’d like. If you’re interested, you can send me a message for more details.
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